5“And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 6But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. 7When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard because of their many words.
16And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you." Matthew 6: 5-7; 16-18 NRSV
As being part of an emerging Church of mostly LGBTQ with our supportive friends and family in the Metro Eastern Manila, where religious fanaticism is common and traditionalism is deeply ingrained in our inner consciousness, how do we respond to the Ash Wednesday?
First of all, it's not the "ash" that is put on our foreheads that will change or stop our sins but it's ourselves. It's up to us! Whenever the ash is painted on our heads, we are told, "From dust you came, from dust you shall return. Repent and believe in the Gospel!" It's true that we came from dust and to the dust we shall return; however, do we always have to repent for almost anything? What do we need to repent, if we need to? Is it doing homosexual acts? Is it being created differently? Do we have to repent loving someone of the same-sex even if it's in a romantic way? If ever we need to repent, we can repent from irrational fear or aversion towards LGBTQ people or, most of the time, our self-judgement of our very own sexual identity. We can also repent our silence of not speaking out for injustices that is done against the LGBT community or our friends. Nevertheless, we still need to believe in the Gospel of unconditional love that Jesus taught us, not the Gospel of hate, prejudice or indifference.
It is common that we are so proud to have that 'black cross' painted on our foreheads but how long will it last? Are we going to stop fasting or abstaining when the ash is gone? Fasting or abstinence can be done in any day at your own will, without external force and and according to our health capacity. Fasting is not just fasting from meat. Abstaining is not just not taking a bath on Tuesdays or Fridays, like what most of the Filipino tradition we hear from our elders from the provinces. Abstaining can also be from playing too much games, from drinking alcohol everyday, from gossiping, from cheating, from lying to our partners, from "selfie"-ing. It's up to you what you want to fast or abstain from. It can be something that takes up too much of your time, instead of being of service to others through whatever your talent, skills or resources you have. And when you fast or abstain, you don't have to proudly say it or show it to others like what the hypocrites did during Jesus's time and even until today.
When we fast, we can combine it with prayers, singing, praising or thanking God. When you are deeply praying for something, you can fast, and most of the time, what you're praying for, happens or is granted by God according to your faith and God's will. I learned this from one of my truest friends, who is already now in Saudi and still an active supporter of MCC Marikina due to his endless support to our Church in many ways, whether moral, financial, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, etc. He's the first MCCer in Marikina, aside from me. His name is Ramon Janea III a.k.a or humbly known as "Bodeng", who now works at the biggest bank in Saudi Arabia. He didn't miss any Bible Fellowships until he left the Philippines. When we also fast, we also don't have to look tired or, as we say colloquially, look "haggard". We can stay fresh and let not others see our fasting or abstinence. We don't have to punish ourselves in front of other people.
As LGBTQ followers of Jesus, including our friends and families, the purpose of our fasting can be the passage of a comprehensive Anti-Discriminaton Law in our country, for an affordable vaccine and cure for HIV, a lifetime partner or a job or vocation where we can grow not just sustainably, but as a person as well. This Ash Wednesday, we can start annointing ourselves with oil which we blessed with faith (preferably olive or indigenous or essential oil you're comfortable with) and wash our faces with reverence for God, without others having to see it. Trust me, it feels quite different and peaceful when I tried this. It left me a feeling of serenity and, of course, trying to live out the greatest commandment of God, which is love, which can be, at times, challenging nowadays.
To conclude, we don't have to overdo fasting and if we are really sorry for the mistakes we've done against our neighbors, against God, or against ourselves, we need to do something about it in concrete ways and not just during Ash Wednesday or the rest of the Lenten season, but everyday!
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